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He Comes Next
What It’s About
He Comes Next provides guidance on understanding the complex details of men's desires and the sexual response process. This book can help you bring your partner more pleasure than they've experienced so far. These tips can assist you in touching their heart and knowing what to do when you touch the other parts of their body.
Three Key Ideas
Anatomy Beyond the Obvious
Most men and their partners ignore the full range of sensitive tissue in the male body, reducing pleasure to one small area.
Desire Requires the Right Conditions
Male desire is contextual and emotional, not automatic, and anxiety or emotional distance can shut it down entirely.
Slow Down to Feel More
Extending arousal across the whole body and separating orgasm from ejaculation unlocks far richer pleasure than goal-driven sex ever can.
Read a Sample
The Woman on the Shaky Bridge
In 1974, two psychologists named Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton set up an experiment in a canyon in British Columbia, and the results still shape how we think about desire today. They chose two bridges. One was a narrow suspension bridge, only five feet wide and four hundred and fifty feet long, swaying about two hundred and thirty feet above a rocky riverbed. The other was a sturdy, anchored bridge resting just ten feet above the water. As men crossed each bridge alone, an attractive female researcher approached them, asked them to fill out a short questionnaire, and then handed over her phone number in case they wanted to hear about the results.
The men who had crossed the terrifying bridge called her far more often. The men on the safe bridge mostly went home and forgot about it.
What happened? Their hearts were already pounding from the height and the sway, and when the woman appeared, their bodies misread that racing pulse as attraction. Psychologists call this misattribution, or excitation transfer. The arousal left over from one experience spills into the next and intensifies it. Fear became desire because the body couldn't quite tell them apart.
Ian Kerner takes that experiment and turns it into a philosophy for the bedroom. Most couples, he argues, spend their entire sexual lives on the stable bridge. It's safe, it's predictable, and it's a little dead. Great sex lives on the shaky bridge, where there's enough uncertainty and charge and aliveness that the body lights up and pays attention.
Who It’s For
- Anyone who wants to understand the psychology and anatomy behind male pleasure in depth.
- Anyone who feels their long-term relationship has settled into predictable, low-energy sex.
- Anyone whose partner struggles with performance anxiety or finishes faster than either person would like.
- Anyone who wants honest, non-judgmental language to talk about sexual needs with a partner.
About the Author: Ian Kerner
Ian Kerner is a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist based in New York. He is best known for his earlier book She Comes First, which became a widely read guide to female pleasure and established him as a credible, research-grounded voice in popular sex therapy.
He writes and speaks for general audiences, drawing on clinical practice and peer-reviewed research to address topics that most sex advice glosses over or sensationalizes. He Comes Next grew directly out of reader demand following She Comes First.
